Here is a story that is often used in conflict resolution to describe the art of uncovering what lies behind a person’s position or stance in a dispute.

Two sisters were fighting over an orange. They both wanted it and argued back and forth, each declaring that they deserved it the more. The argument went on and on, but neither would back down, and each sister stuck to her guns about wanting the orange.

The older sister claimed that she should have it because she was the elder of the two. The younger sister said that she deserved it more because she was the younger.

This circular argument continued for quite some time and was going nowhere as each sister was firmly stuck in their own position.

With no resolution in sight, they finally decide to compromise and split the orange in half. Each sister walked away with half an orange, proud of having found what she considered to be the most efficient way to have resolved the dispute.

But was it the best way?

With their respective halves of orange in hand, one sister peeled hers, thew the peel away and ate the fruit. The other sister peeled her orange half and threw the fruit away and used the peel for a cake she was baking.

Had the sisters taken a step back and looked at each other’s position and negotiated, rather than trying to outdo each other, both sisters would have got exactly what they wanted. The sister who wanted the fruit would have ended up with a whole orange to enjoy rather than a half, and the sister who’d planned to bake a cake would have had an entire orange peel at her disposal.

However, the reality is that this is how negotiations are often conducted. Each side takes a stance and refuses to move from that position and this refusal to move can be caused by any number of factors – fear, anger, upset, distress, stubbornness, etc. Sometimes, people feel that if they move from their position this might be viewed as a sign of weakness by the other side.

But whatever the reason for the position, it is always worth having a conversation. For example, in this instance, had negotiations been conducted differently – had questions been asked – each side might have ended up with what they wanted – the skin of the entire orange and the fruit of the entire orange – but, sadly, by not asking the questions, the opportunity was missed.

Finally, the moral of the story is: It is good to talk, as parties who do so are more likely to succeed in creating mutually acceptable solutions.